The State of Play
Venus Saunters Into Sagittarius This Week
I’m so immersed in the study of sexuality that I was a bit shocked to find that when you google “play party” the first Wikipedia result is, “Play party (U.S. traditional): a type of U.S. social event where people get together to sing and dance.” How adorable!
The BDSM version appears right there after it. Awareness of sexual subcultures is growing more mainstream these days, thanks to our collective addiction to Netflix and its offshoots. For the uninitiated, a play party is a kind of sex party, an increasingly popular and common American pastime. (Covid paused this, but I understand from friends and colleagues that it’s very much back.)
People did dance at the play parties I covered and attended pre-pandemic, but I don’t recall much singing. It would be a nice addition to the festivities. Maybe Kareoke/play parties will become a thing. (If these already exist, please tell me in the comments.)
Venus, the goddess of love and our enchanting arbiter of attraction, slides into Sagittarius this Wednesday morning at 1:09 am EDT. Expansion, freedom, daring, curiosity – these words belong to this mutable fire sign ruled by Jupiter, the Roman version of Zeus. We usually think of Leo when we invoke the concept or experience of play, but both of these fire signs can show us how to let our hair down and have fun. With Sagittarius, however, there is an extra layer of teaching and learning. (The Moon is in Leo as I write this post, and I must admit I could be drunk on its beams.)
Falling in love (or lust) under the auspices of Venus in Sagittarius is like being seduced by a philosopher clown. If you have this natally, you know. You’re always learning because you’re usually laughing. The best kind of sex is that which is uninhibited and free – and when you can laugh your ass off because you understand that sex is often raucously funny, it allows you to tap into deeper reservoirs of pleasure. Laughter triggers some of the same hormones released by orgasm. This may also be why we’re instantly attracted to people who make us laugh.
Yet shame is a powerful force that can slam shut our openness to play, blocking our unlimited capacity to experience pleasure. 90 percent of the work I do as a clinical sexologist involves peeling away layers of shame and healing them, helping clients to create healthy relationships with their own bodies, with their partners, and teaching them to tell new stories about their sexual selves, giving them space to play.
In a professional sexuality seminar I attended via Zoom last summer, one of the therapists in my breakout group had a sudden and powerful revelation after we watched a video about cake-sitting. They observed that when we allow ourselves to play with our partners as freely as we played as children, our sexual relationships expand into new places. Intimacy explodes. We feel free, open, daring, curious.
Our natal Venus can tell us how we want to be wanted. Where our Venus lives in our chart, by house, sign, and aspect tells us how our love stories might unfurl. This is relational energy; it’s less about how we pursue, and more about how we want to be pursued. Venusian energy is usually receptive, but that doesn’t mean it can’t also be strong.
Venus in Sagittarius is highly GGG — generosity is the hallmark of this sign, but so is overindulgence, hedonism, and excess. Sagittarius Season falls during the holidays for many cultures, and when we overdo it between now and the Winter Solstice, we’ve actually got a great excuse to go overboard.
On Halloween I tweeted:
This year sweet Venus is the first of the personal planets to enter the sign of the Archer, filtering the opening salvo of Sagittarius through the lens of our desires. (Mercury arrives the next day.) Exploration can feel erotic. Travel turns us on. Mind-expansion is fucking hot.
Coming off the intense challenges of eclipse season we should aim to enjoy the many glories of Venus in Sagittarius, especially in the next week or so, as we will see Venus tested by a retrograde Mars at the end of the month. These planets are cosmic consorts and when they come together sparks typically fly, even when the aspects are hard. Erotic energy is stoked during Venus/Mars interactions. Yet because of the complications of Mars Retrograde in Gemini, when Venus opposes Mars on December 1st, we might be triggered instead of stimulated.
At some point in the 1990s I bought the most excellent house music mixtape from a vendor in the Tower Records flea market. It’s long lost, but it had a song with lyrics that left an indelible mark on my mind (Moon in Sagittarius in the 3rd house, in case you’re wondering). The lyrics read like they were written by someone with Venus in Sadge. The lyrics here may be slightly out of order, but you get the point.
...Eat you like an exotic fruit Make you scream halleljah Watch your eyes water, as I do ya You say stop but you really mean yes Because you love when I caress your flesh I can't get enough (OF WHAT) Your lips, your thighs, and all that good stuff The more I get, the more I want
Outside of the lack of consent implied here, this song still slaps and it even mentions thighs (Sagittarius rules the thighs). NOTE: If you know this song or have a copy of it, PLEASE share; I need to hear it again!
While Venus is in Sagittarius, no matter what your relationship status, see if you can tap into the part of you that wants more when you get more. Don’t be afraid to expand into the space around you. Explore cultures. Learn everything. Ask the big questions. Fall in love with the world. Find a romantic or sexual opportunity and take it. Ask yourself: what have I had that I want more of? While Venus is in Sagittarius, it’s essential to shoot your shot. An exotic/erotic experience is out there waiting for you to have it.